My boyfriend mused afterward that he thought the guy was nice and sweet. I shook my head and said I didn’t think so. When he asked why, I didn’t have an answer for him. I didn’t know how to begin to explain or phrase even to myself what felt so uncomfortable and racist in that interaction, without sounding hollow or oversensitive. Really, this sort of conversation about race is always difficult to begin.

More interesting internal conflicts about interracial dating at the link, via Racialicious

Author Terrance Dean examines the intricacies of being a black gay man in a white gay dating world. via thegang

Growing up, many black people are taught an emphasized sense of pride and self-assurance of loving oneself that their white counterparts are typically not. White men do not need validation in a world that already justifies their existence. Then again, some whites appreciate dark skin, but it seems too often that it is out of novelty or fetishism, rather than pure connection.

Obviously the same goes for women and other ethnicities but I don’t want to get started on some of the crazy shit I’ve heard, seen and experienced.

via thegang

…feminine lesbians are now being marginalized in a new way. The gold standard, of course, has long been butch. Since I came out 13 years ago, most lesbians try to be butch, especially when they first come out.

News to me, I don’t think I’ve ever been clearly butch or femme and haven’t been attracted to either extremes. I do notice the lack of butch-femme partnerships nowadays but I think it’s a cultural thing. From personal experience I see a lot more stud-fish pairings in the black dyke community than in North Side areas (though the butch-femme dynamic in this case tends to be more subtle, with one woman more indie twee-like and the other a no nonsense type) and more often than not lesbians in couples just look the same to me..they sort of just both morph into a balance of each other like a bizarre science project. Anyway, interesting topic.

“In short, despite the fierce battles for marriage, contemporary heterosexual marriage is a bit of a mess. The current state of straight marriage is a reminder that simply having the right to marry is not sufficient to generate social equality, create economic stability, or ensure personal fulfillment. Marriage is a crucial civil right, but not a panacea. Even as progressives fight for marriage equality for same-sex couples, we need also to reflect on marriage as a social and political institution in itself. Our work must be not just about marriage equality, it should also be about equal marriages, and about equal rights and security for those who opt out of marriage altogether.” -Melissa Harris-Lacewell for The Nation

via newsandbooze: MHL is amazing. Also, I’m not sure how I feel about Jessica Valenti’s marriage…especially the timing, but maybe I’m just bitter.

The appeal to anomie simply ignores, post-1960s, the emotional capacities we’ve gained. We now resist atomization and anomie with the wide range of unusually warm, non-exclusive and simultaneous friendships, often verging on erotism but not compelled to it, both across and within the sexes, and among straights and gays—this extraordinary birthright the ’60s gave to all those of us born, say, after 1969. The range is better than any narrowing. The multiplicity of friendships trumps the marriage structure. Yet these relations really survive, and thrive, only until marriage begins to clear its throat, and they are jeopardized by the cowardly constraints of couplehood. Marriage is lye poured upon the petri dish of the new relations of erotic sociality.

This article bounces around from the history of the gay movement, to the feminist movement, to marriage, to abortion, to emotional monogamy, to sexual fidelity and it all ties back to the gay marriage movement..kind of fascinating and somewhat overwhelming in a good way, for me at least..I’m still working on the merits and weaknesses of couplehood. via The Awl